


Seven Minutes in Hell

by SomberSecrets



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Chocolate Can Be That Good, F/M, Humour, Jealousy, Kim Has a Plan, Kinda?, Marichat, Ridiculousness, Romance, Seven Minutes In Heaven, adrienette - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 00:59:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16566548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomberSecrets/pseuds/SomberSecrets
Summary: It had been four years. Four damn years and despite all of Alya’s (it wasn’t even just Alya anymore, it was basically all of Paris) efforts, Adrien was still oblivious to his feelings toward Marinette. It was time for the big guns. Kim’s OTP was going to get their shit together. It was time for Dark Cupid to return. Without the dark, evil butterfly of course.





	Seven Minutes in Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine that Kim will be this huge, buff jock, that just kinda gently shifts people around when they are in his way.

It was not often that Kim needed to push through a crowd of people. With his considerable height and build, people often saw him coming a long way off and would clear a path for him like the parting of the seas. And today, Kim was on the warpath. All those who did not get out of his way fast enough were gently lifted to the side as he stomped his way to Alya who was talking excitedly with Marinette about her upcoming party. “Come with me,” Kim more or less grunted interrupting Alya’s speal about how she was going to lock Marinette into a closet with Adrien again… like that had worked the first ten times. He grabbed Alya’s upper arm, much more gently than anyone could have guessed just by observing, and dragged her into the nearest empty classroom. “I’ll have her back to you in a second Mari. Try to calm your blush before we’re back. All you gotta do is stop thinking about Adrien.”

“KIM!!!” Marinette squealed in embarrassment as she jumped into the air and swiveled her head to check that said boy hadn’t heard the comment. Kim shook his head fondly as Marinette somehow managed to flush deeper.

Kim slammed the classroom door behind him.

“Kim, what in all names! I was just telling Marinette our plan…”

“No,” Kim muttered and turned around, “Cancel that. Cancel everything.”

“Excuse me?”

“As co-president of the Adrienette fan club, I veto this plan.”

“But why! You’ve never been against it before. This could be the time!”

Kim crossed his arms and stared pointedly at the LadyBlogger, “I just heard him tell Alix that she was “just a friend” again. Pauses and stuttering and lying between his teeth and all. I don’t know if he knows he’s lying or if he’s oblivious to his own feelings at this point, but it happened.”

Alya slapped her hands over her face and groaned, “Still?”

“Still. This isn’t going to work.”

“But… tenth time’s the charm?”

“Most of us are horny teenagers. Adrien and Marinette are obviously vying for each other. If they haven’t already climbed all over each other in a dark closet, they are never going to climb all over each other in a dark closet. We need a new ploy, one with more thought, more scheming. No more seven minutes in heaven, we are 18 now!” Kim declared slamming his fist into his palm. “I’ve come up with a better plan and we’re gonna team up to do this.”

Alya peaked one eye out from between her fingers, “Tell me more.”

“I call it seven minutes in hell.”

“That’s hella lame Lê Chiến.”

“Sue me Césaire.”

 

* * *

 

Adrien slowly sipped on his beer making sure to pace himself. He didn’t want to be too inebriated for when Alya would inevitably suggest seven minutes in heaven and he would inevitably get shoved into a closet with Marinette. He always wanted to be in his right mind when he was around her.

Over the four years and the numerous games of seven minutes in heaven, Adrien had found that those seven minutes were definitely the height of every one of the high school parties he had attended. It was the one chance he had to be alone with Marinette, in front of so many people, and just enjoy her presence and just have some great conversation. She stuttered a lot still, though he thought it was endearing, but over the seven minutes, they would often be able to get through some great conversation. He definitely had something he wanted to talk to her about tonight.

Adrien peeked at his watch again and clicked a couple buttons. His seven minute timer was ready and waiting.

“Alright everyone!” Alya shouted as she climbed onto a chair, “It’s a tradition so let’s get right on it!” Adrien grinned to himself. Right on time. “Juleka, bring me the hat!”

As Juleka and the hat of names drifted through the crowd, the noise in the room slowly started to build back up until everyone was cheering when Alya took the hat within her hands and carefully waved it in the air. “Everyone knows the rules by now, right? Two names, don’t care who you are, closet you go!”

The cheer built up again as Adrien tapped his foot in anticipation. He scanned the crowd for dark hair and bright eyes, finding Marinette nearly squished against Alya’s legs as the crowd started to swarm the LadyBlogger. His eyes met hers for a second and she gave him one of her shy smiles that made his heart glow.

Adrien couldn’t wait to be in the closet having a conversation about anything and everything with his friend again.

“Alright, alright. Calm yourselves, I know that every year seven minutes in heaven ends up with a lucky couple finding their perfect match, but remember… this year it could be you!”

Alya and Kim hadn’t managed to successfully matchmake Adrien and Marinette yet, but they had managed to get several other random people together. Some of the matches were obvious cheats because they had long been together, like Nino and Alya, and others had been a grand surprise. Kagami and Chloé being the blaringly big one.

“Silence!” Alya demanded. No one listened. She reached into the hat anyways, “First person is… Marinette!”

Adrien chuckled at the loud squeak that originated somewhere by Alya’s knees. He then began to move toward the closet door. Checking the timer on his watch again, he made sure that it was indeed seven minutes on the countdown.

“And she will be spending seven minutes with… oh god.” Immediately Adrien snapped to attention at Alya’s tone. She was staring wide eyed at the slip of paper, the hat having fallen into the small crowd. “Oh god,” Alya reiterated, “Give me the hat!”

“Draws are final Alya!” Alix shouted, “Give us the name! We all know it’s Adrien anyways!” The crowd geared up to shout the same, and then suddenly it was a chant.

Alya blinked drearily at the piece of paper as she held it out to the crowd, “Kim,” it fell to the ground in a haze of gasps, “Lê Chiến Kim.”

Adrien’s jaw dropped.

Marinette’s jaw dropped.

Kim wiggled his eyebrows and picked Marinette up by the waist, throwing her over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes, “Seven minutes Mari. I’m gonna rock your world.” And suddenly the two were in the closet.

 

* * *

 

Because Adrien had made the, now false, assumption that he would be picked out of the hat and had preemptively moved towards the closet door in reaction, he was the one closest to the door when it closed. Being the nosey crowd that the whole entire party was, Adrien felt them push up against him until he was right up against the closet door along with several other people who were purposefully putting their ears to the wood. Adrien gulped as he tried to squirm away. The pile of people didn’t let him.

Suddenly there was a thump in the room, like a body hitting a wall, and a crash, like things falling off of a shelf. Adrien’s heart squeezed as he heard Kim groan, “Come on Mari, loosen up. I promise I won’t do anything you won’t be begging for in a couple minutes anyways.”

“Kim…” Another thump, this time right up against the door. “Oh god, Kim what are you doing?”

“Just give me a second.” Adrien nearly fainted at the loud, distinctively female moan that came right after. “See, I told you to relax. Just leave it to me Mari.”

“O-okay…”

“How do you like this?” Kim’s deep baritone could be heard through the walls.

“Oh god, yes.” That was Marinette’s voice! That was Marinette’s voice groaning in pleasure.

Another thump, away from the door now. “Do you want more?”

“Yes, please?” Adrien shuddered, his hackles rising at the softness in her tone.

“Don’t worry, I’ll give you more.”

“Kim! Ugg.”

And then there was silence. Just endless silence. A penetrating silence that was causing Adrien to go paler and paler by the second until he was practically a sheet of paper.

Everyone outside the door was in shock.

The timer on Adrien’s watch began to ring.

He hadn’t even realized he had turned it on.

Alya, with a grimace on her face slowly approached the door, her phone’s timer nearing seven minutes. “Please be decent in there! Cause your time is… up!” As soon as the alarm blared, Alya threw open the door. Immediately Adrien’s pale pallor went purple.

Marinette stood there with mussed hair, bruised lips and rumpled clothes beside Kim who looked much too pleased with himself with the same kiss bruised lips and mussed hair. He grinned triumphantly, “Thanks for the fun Mari.”

Marinette simply stared at him wide eyed as he walked out of the closet. She looked downright dazed and confused. “Um… yeah… thanks Kim.”

Adrien jumped at the roar that came from the crowd. Some looked at him, some looked at Kim, a lot of people were giving Kim congratulatory thumps on the back. Adrien felt like he wanted to die. Adrien turned his eyes back to Marinette, who was staring at him wide eyed and flushing. Why was she flushing? Her eyes flickered to Kim’s retreating form when she thought Adrien wasn’t looking. Oh this just wouldn’t do.

“Marinette, can I speak to you for a second? Alone?”

Marinette nodded absently, now not even trying to hide her wide eyed stare directed at Kim, as Adrien grabbed her hand and dragged her out of Alya’s house. Another roar of excitement followed them out into the warm night. Marinette stumbled a couple of times, and Adrien slowed down to make sure that she wouldn't hurt herself, his grip firm but gentle on her wrist. The moment they were outside, Adrien bee-lined to the closest dark corner he could find and opened up his shirt. “Plagg, claws out!”

Marinette squealed at the bright green light as suddenly Chat Noir appeared in front of her, picked her up from below her knees and around her shoulders blades and shot onto the roof, jumping away from the Césaire residence as soon as his feet found purchase. Marinette flung her arms around his neck as the warm spring air blasted her in the face and she curled into his warmth. Chat Noir didn’t stop moving until he was sure that no one would catch them.

Setting Marinette down when he felt the coast was clear Chat Noir reached out and placed his hands on Marinette’s shoulders. The tips of his fingers, but not his claws, dug into her skin. “I’m going to make you forget what his lips felt like princess.” Before Marinette could protest, Chat Noir swooped in and captured her lips for his own. His hand wrapped around the back of her neck as the other trailed along her hip.

She melted into his kiss like putty.

Like always.

Chat pulled back and took a deep breath, diving back in as soon as he was able. It was the way Marinette loved being kissed. Marinette groaned against his lips and he grinned in satisfaction. Take that Lê Chiến.

A hard thump landed on his chest.

Chat pulled away at the feeling of her fist against his armor. Marinette was strong, but she wasn’t indestructible without Tikki. “Adrien!” Marinette whined as she pouted against his chest. Her lower lip doing nothing to persuade him not to kiss her. “They’re all going to be suspicious now!”

“Let them be. I’ll just tell them we had another delightful… conversation.”

“We’ve held up for three years. We agreed it was safer to just make Ladybug and Chat Noir public! What was that even about?” Marinette murmured as she turned her face into Chat Noir’s chest and hugged him closer by the waist.

Chat could help but chuckle at her impulse reaction as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and took her closer. And then he remember why they were in this predicament in the first place, “It’s because My Lady was being ravaged by another man.”

“Ravaged? Man?”

Chat looked down at the top of Marinette’s head, blinking his green eyes in confusion. “Yeah, it was seven minutes in hell.” Kim would have been so happy to hear this, but he wasn’t there.

“Kim did everything but ravage me kitty,” Marinette giggled.

“Excuse me?”

Marinette pulled away to stare into Chat Noir’s bewildered eyes, “Did it sound like we were making out from the outside?”

“Yes! Passionately so!”

“Well to me he was just acting like a crazy person. He just stumbled all over the closet as I watched and then he pulled out these pillows and like rammed them against the walls and OH!”

“What? What?”

“He gave me some of those chocolate from my favourite place!”

It instantly clicked, “The chocolates that always make you moan…”

“I wouldn’t say moan…”

“I would definitely say moan. I hear it all the time, after all.” Marinette wanted to wipe that cocky smirk off his face, but she only knew one way how and that would only further inflate his ego.

“And the kiss bruised lips?”

“He wiped my mouth quite vigorously with a handkerchief after I finished the chocolates, said I had some melted on my lips.”

“Your clothes?”

“Kim just kind of started… re-adjusting them? I dunno, I was eating the chocolates.”

“And the hair.”

“He mussed it. Kim always musses my hair.”

“Right… of course...”

“What did you think we were doing?”

“What we usually do when Alya locks us in a closet…”

Chat Noir flinched as he saw Marinette’s eyes light up. “Were you jealous, pretty kitty?”

Chat bit the inside of his mouth, “No…”

“Aww kitty.”

“Shush bugaboo. I just don’t like the idea of other guys making out with my secret girlfriend, alright?”

“Not so secret once they find us.”

Chat Noir grinned, “I’ll just tell them I was just asking you how your conversation with Kim was. Maybe I’ll throw in three instances of how you’re just a friend in there too.”

Marinette flicked his bell with a giggle, “Bad kitty.”

 

* * *

 

Adrien and Marinette returned to the party and immediately screaming ensued. Kim and Alya rushed to the front of the crowd, Alya tailing behind on Kim’s parting of the seas but elbowing Kim in the ribs to get in front the first moment she got. “So where did you two even go? What happened?”

“Did my plan work?” Kim asked excitedly as he shoved Alya to the side. She promptly booted him in the shin.

Adrien just grinned at Marinette, “What plan? I was just checking if Marinette was okay. She looked kind of dazed from your conversation.”

“Uh… huh, conversation…” Alya murmured attention thoroughly distracted from beating Kim into the ground, “And?”

“Adrien was just being a really great friend,” Marinette grinned.

The crowd unanimously groaned.

Kim facepalmed.

Alya pulled at her hair.

Adrien and Marinette stared at them as cluelessly as they could.

“Well, hell then,” Kim muttered and took a step forward, “Just gotta be as straightforward as possible I guess.” Before anyone could guess what he was going to do next, Kim leant down and placed a kiss right on Adrien’s lips.

If the Agreste wasn’t going to crack then…

Kim was instantly shoulder-checked down to the ground, “Get away from my boyfriend, Lê Chiến!” All the pain of the evening was worth it. His ship was setting sail.

A cheer in the crowds louder than a Jagged Stone concert ensued.

Marinette huffed as she turned brighter and brighter red and then screamed into her hands in frustration. Adrien was never going to let her live this down.

Adrien simply chuckled as he draped his arm over Marinette’s shoulder, “Jealous, princess?”

Marinette huffed loudly and stomped her foot, the bright flush still on her face, and turned on him, “Guess it’s your turn to forget his kiss.”

She grabbed her boyfriend by the collar, yanked him forward, and turned him to putty in her arms.

There was definitely going to be a noise complaint.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I try to be funny. I hope I am. This basically was immediately in my brain after the season 2 finale. Kim totally ships them.


End file.
